I have had this blog up for a while. I created it because I desired to share parts of my life with those that were interested. Perhaps my personal recipes, fitness pursuits, adventures, and humorous writings. It ended up sitting around empty because I was so preoccupied with the many things that life throws my way. With my new chapter on the horizon however, I feel like this is a good time to begin documenting my journey while sharing with people that have similar interests and goals. It has been a long, often tearful, difficult, and circuitous path thus far and I am thrilled that there is finally light at the end of the tunnel.

For those that don’t know my story I will tell it once and for all here. After graduating from high school I eagerly started college at an HBCU in Alabama. Since early childhood I knew at a cellular level that I belonged in healthcare. I would skim over my mom’s nursing texts in fascination, gawking at the pictures of disorders and literally wore my mom’s gloves while playing with neighborhood kids. I thought I needed to practice getting used to the “tickly” feeling so I would be able to stand them when I had to wear them as a surgeon. I was obsessed with biology and anatomy, probably oddly so, curiously examining little dead animals I would find. All in silly childlike preparation for my dreams for the future. I also remember rushing to do first aid on my playmates. There was never a doubt in my mind that I would end up in healthcare and by the time I arrived at college I was long decided on pre-med. I did three semesters at that school when I began to develop a burning desire to act on my long time passion for mission work. Something always called me to go overseas and help people and for some reason this feeling peaked in my third semester. At the time I felt all in and decided I would leave school indefinitely and move to the jungle in Bolivia and help kids. There was an organization associated with my church that has an orphanage/school in Rurrenabaque and after seeing the video put together by past missionaries I just knew I had to go. My best friend, that was at college with me, and I decided to sell all our things and start fundraising for tickets. I didn’t really have a return date in mind as the passionate fire was raging and I thought I would just roam country to country helping in any way I could without my degree. I always liked the idea of being a medical missionary as a surgeon but didn’t have the patience to wait during that particular time period, I just wanted to serve in whatever capacity I could. We did indeed end up in Bolivia experiencing jungle animals, sketchy experiences, and adorable kids we loved. We were there for about 5 months, entering into the kids’ school break, when we got to take a few weeks of break in La Paz. We were living it up, eating street food, going from hostel to hostel meeting travelers, and touring all over the city on foot when, right around new years, I got the worst news of my life. My mother, my beautiful wonderful single mother, had a cancer recurrence. While I was at college the fibroids she had since I was born turned into leiomyosarcoma, an extremely rare and aggressive cancer. Last I had heard the hysterectomy went well, the cancer was gone, and her entire job was to fight a recurrence, because when this kind of cancer recurs, winning the battle is near impossible. There had been a speck on imaging of her lungs, but it was nothing concerning at the time and needed follow up. Due to a long story involving unfair circumstances, bad timing, and no health insurance the speck went unchecked. By the time I received the phone call in Bolivia the thing was the size of a lime. My heart sunk through the floor. It took about 5 minutes online to realize she wasn’t going to make it, as hopeful as I wanted to be. I immediately went in to planning mode, and honestly knew from that moment I would need to step up and be a mom to my younger brother and sister back in the states and help mom as much as I could during the nightmare of cancer treatment. After some follow up with church members and their collective fundraising to fly us back home the battle with cancer raged on for 5 months. By the time she passed away I had already assumed the role of caregiver for the kids and had been helping as much as possible to keep her comfortable and hopefully healing. After a super intense and heartbreaking conversation I promised her I would raise them and make her proud. She passed away knowing that I had their backs and wouldn’t let her down.

My life has since been ups and downs and really a series of unfortunate events that I had to chin up and overcome. Fortunately my momma raised a strong woman so I really had to just take it step by step. Between then and now I continuously worked full time, kept the kids housed, supported, and in school, and chipped away at my own schooling. I did pre-reqs for every grad school program that sounded interesting, that could offer me a lucrative career in less years than it would take to become a surgeon. I finished surgical technology school in an attempt to have a means to make more money during my long term degree path and as soon as I finished I moved from where mom was, Missouri, to Colorado. My heart and my best memories were always in Colorado and I was excited to bring the kids back and start a new phase. I worked in home healthcare while finishing my Bachelor’s in Science of Biology with a Chemistry minor. I started the degree in 2008 and didn’t finish until May 2016! The stress, work, and split attention slowed my path down way more than I ever anticipated and honestly it made me feel kind of sad. Getting older and not being done with anything while my previous class mates had long graduated and started graduate school. But I never gave up and I did indeed finish. I was proud of myself even though I wish I had finished 4 years earlier. I often imagine where I would be had I just stayed in school continuously and finished on time. I can definitely say that my non-traditional path has forced me to learn some serious life lessons, among them being running a household, striking a school/work balance in the most strange and uncomfortable of circumstances with odd hours and haywire sleep schedules, and staying strong through multiple losses (my absent father passed away a few years after mom did), setbacks, and refusing to quit marching toward my goal while seemingly being kicked back by life at multiple points.

I also had to slowly learn not to be a doormat or taken for granted by those in my life and to demand respect from those in my care. The years since 2011 when mom passed have not been an easy sacrifice, not in the slightest, but I think ultimately they were worth it. My sister is a light in my life and even a best friend. I will have an unbreakable bond with her after all we have been through together. My brother and I have had a tougher path, the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life is navigate our dynamic while continuing to be there for support and to keep my promise. I will say that I am proud of his accomplishments. He has a full ride football scholarship, good grades, and big dreams. He has made it into adulthood mostly unscathed and pretty successfully thus far and for that reason, it was all worth it. Young boys without supportive parents (their absent father passed away soon after mine did) struggle in profound ways and I can’t discount his struggle. But he has a lot to learn about respect and hanging in there was the most challenging thing I have ever had to do. I love them both so much and will always try and be a supportive parent-like figure for them, but I hope that as they enter adulthood we can develop a less stressful relationship of sibling friendship. I hope that as time goes on my brother realizes all that went into getting him to the point he is at and that he develops a true sense of appreciation and realization. We aren’t quite there yet but I am hopeful. To read more about my path to graduate nursing school check out this post https://edensrandomworld.com/2019/06/18/beginning-my-path-to-become-a-family-nurse-practitioner/ .

I hope this blog is pleasant for those that are interested, be it for insider info on my nursing program, resources, or simply laughs and getting to know me. Thanks for taking to time to read this it means a lot!